


Countdown

by robindulgence



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Red Hood/Arsenal (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Christmas, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Painful Pictionary, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, jayroyweek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-07
Updated: 2016-11-07
Packaged: 2018-08-29 15:49:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8496100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robindulgence/pseuds/robindulgence
Summary: Jason and Roy spend Christmas with the bat family. It’s all fun and games until the countdown starts.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Please read the first two tags; PTSD & Panic Attack.  
> Written for JayRoy Week 2016 Day 5 – PTSD.

They always say Christmas is a time for family. Jason was quite content just to spend it hanging out with Roy at home but Roy had different ideas. He’d managed to talk Jason into going to Wayne Manor for Christmas, at least for one day, and had come with him for Christmas eve. Their arrival was a little awkward but Roy beamed and talked his way through it, drawing attention away from Jason so he could settle in easier. All the boys were there while the girls would be coming tomorrow. They chatted for a while before they decided to play some games, starting with Pictionary.

They split into three teams, Jason and Roy, Dick and Tim, and Bruce and Damian. They didn’t have a timer for the rounds so Tim set one up on his tablet. The first little ring of alarm bells in Roy’s mind that night started up as Tim propped up his tablet, the digital countdown on screen. Being around his ‘family’ already had Jason on edge and Roy glanced at him as the countdown started. Digital clocks always made Jason feel a little sick, especially digital timers, but he wasn’t showing any signs of worry yet. Perhaps because this one had blue numbers on a white background, it was okay. Roy trusted Jason to tell him if something was too much, so he wasn’t too worried.

The first few rounds were great. The drawings were terrible, the guesses ridiculous, and everyone was having fun. Jason was even lightening up and laughing a little. Then Dick drew a circus for his picture and Roy’s mental alarm started again as Jay tensed. Roy knew Jason would never say anything to the group, partly because he wasn’t comfortable sharing his supposed ‘weaknesses’ and partly because the circus was so important to Dick, but he couldn’t stand the circus any more. Circuses meant clowns and clowns meant agony and darkness and memories he didn’t need to be reminded of. Roy pressed a gentle reassuring touch to Jason’s back, where others couldn’t see, checking if he was okay and trying to soothe him. Jason nodded at him a little, apparently okay for now. The group continued playing as Dick took his seat again.

Roy could feel some of the tension in Jason’s back as he lightly stroked his hand there, trying to keep him grounded. However, as Damian was drawing God knows what on the board, Jason noticed something Roy hadn’t. Roy had been so caught up in watching Jason and the drawings that he hadn’t thought much about the timer since it first came up. Tim had always said when the time ran out, so Roy hadn’t looked at it. He only noticed the change when Jason flinched next to him, eyes fixed on the screen. The timer started blue on white but as it counted down it changed colour. When it hit 10 seconds to go, it turned to red numbers on black. Roy immediately knew what was happening and rushed from his position next to Jason to in front of him, trying to draw Jason’s attention to him. Jay’s eyes were locked on the tablet screen but they looked empty. His mind was already elsewhere, lost in terrible memories. Roy placed his gently arms on Jason’s shoulders, trying to ground him as Jason started sucking in too-sharp too-quick breaths and the panic attack hit.

“Jay. Jay, baby,” Roy started, speaking in a soft but in-control tone he knew Jason found comforting and trying to draw his attention back to him and the present. “It’s okay. You’re okay.” Roy tried to calm him but Jason showed no signs of hearing him.  

“Turn that off!” Roy hissed at Tim, who quickly turned off the app and the tablet screen, which had been flashing on 00:00, shoving it out of sight behind him, looking completely shocked.

Everyone except Roy was wide eyed and hovering, apparently torn between wanting to help and not knowing what to do. Even Damian looked alarmed.

“Jay.” Roy returned all his attention to his boyfriend. “Babe.” He squeezed his shoulders gently as he continued. “Jason, you’re safe. You’re at the manor. You’re with me, Roy. I’m going to look after you. No one is going to hurt you. Nothing will hurt you. You’re safe with me.” This was not the first time Jay had had a flash back and panic attack in front of Roy and Roy had soon learnt what Jason found helpful. Reassurances in a calm, soft voice and Roy staying close to him usually got through.

“Get some water.” Roy ordered Dick, who was hovering closest by and clearly desperate to help, without taking his eyes off Jason. Roy knew Dick’s eagerness overwhelmed Jason sometimes and didn’t want him to accidentally make it worse, so it was best to let Dick help while also getting him out of the way. Bruce looked blank now as he watched the scene, but earlier Roy had seen him looking stricken, maybe horrified that Jason was still suffering because of that day. There was no way everyone here hadn’t worked out what Jason was reliving right now.  Jason reached out with one arm, grabbing hold of Roy’s shoulder tight and Roy moved one of his hands to place over Jason’s, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

Roy cursed himself for not doing something sooner about the countdown. Over time, Jason had gotten better at telling Roy when a situation was too much and Roy trusted him to do so, but he still looked out for him extra just in case. He should’ve known Jason wouldn’t say anything with his family around. He should’ve done something about the timer. He should’ve paid more attention to it and come up with some excuse to change it. Jason had seemed okay until the colour change. Now wasn’t the time to blame himself though, and Jason wouldn’t blame him. Jason needed his help right now.

“Jay.” Roy spoke softly again, repeating Jason’s name and that he’s okay and safe as Jay slowly started to breathe more normally. His grip on Roy’s shoulders loosened a little but stayed connected as Roy kept encouraging him, knowing he was getting through.

“ _Fuck._ ” Jay finally groaned and Roy knew the worst of the attack had passed. Jason would still be rough for the rest of the night, it wasn’t something he could get past quickly and the aftereffects lingered for hours, but Roy would be there for him. He would be okay. Roy stroked the hair behind Jay’s ear soothingly as he continued reassuring him, leaning in close and resting his forehead against Jay’s. Jason had his eyes closed, taking controlled breaths, both of his hands now holding Roy’s shoulders.

“Do you want to leave?” Roy asked when he thought Jay was thinking clearly enough to answer. Jason shook his head, pulling away to sit up straight, so Roy got up off the floor and settled in next to him on the sofa again instead.  He leaned in close, knowing that being close to Jay made him feel safer. Jason wasn’t normally into PDA but this wasn’t a normal situation. Embarrassing PDA was the least of his concerns right now.

Jason looked up at the others before quickly turning away again, shame on his face. Roy pulled him in closer and wrapped his arms around him before he looked at the others too. Dick was standing in the middle of the room, looking like he was about to cry, the glass of water he’d fetched on the table nearest Jason and Roy, Tim looked heartbroken, Bruce was still blank, and Damian looked like he was trying to control himself.

“Jason… Jay, we’re sorry.” Dick started, “We should have thought-“

Jason shook his head again and curled a little closer to Roy. Roy understood that as a sign that he wanted to just sit and breathe and try and calm himself down for a while. He didn’t want to talk to everyone.  

“Can we have some space?” Roy asked, finally sending the others away. They could come back eventually, probably, but he wanted to get some space for Jay and to talk to him without the thought of the others holding him back.

“Babe…” Roy started once they were alone, pressing a kiss to the side of Jason’s head.

“M’okay.” Jason replied, relaxing against Roy more now that the others were gone. Roy stroked his hair as his head came to rest against Roy’s chest.

“I’m sorry, Jay.” Roy was sorry for a number of things.

“Not your fault.” Jason replied, his eyes closed as he took comfort in Roy’s arms.

“I know, but I wanted this to be good for you.” Roy did blame himself somewhat but he wasn’t going to argue the point. He knew that deep down Jason wanted to be closer to his family and Roy had thought this would help. It could have been such a good night.

Jason leaned up and Roy met him with a soft kiss. “It’s fine. I’ll be fine. I guess they had to find out one day.” Roy held in a frown at Jay’s words. Of course, Jason was more worried about looking ‘weak’ in front of the others.

“You’ve done nothing wrong. They wanted to help you, I could see them. They’re not going to think any less of you because of this.” Roy tried to reassure him.

“ _Can_ they even think any less of me?” Jay replied bitterly.

Roy did frown this time. “Jay, I know it’s hard for you to believe but they really do love you in their own way. They’re just really, really, _really_ shit at showing it.” Roy smiled a little, hoping the joke got across. No one was worse at emotions than the bat family.

Jason snorted a laugh and Roy was pleased. It was a good sign. “Love you.” Jay added and Roy nuzzled his hair as he filled with warmth.

“I love you too, Jaybird.” He replied with a smile before leaning in to kiss him again. They stayed like that, softly kissing and cuddled up on the sofa, for a good 20 minutes, before Jason pulled back and sighed.

“I guess you should call them back in.”

“I don’t have to. We can go hang in your room instead if you want.” Roy offered.

“No.” Jason shook his head, shifting so he was sitting up straighter again. “I came here to spend time with my fucked up family so that’s what I’m going to do.”

Roy grinned. Jason was a trooper. Nothing kept him down for too long. Plus, he probably wanted the distraction.

“Just…” Jay looked a little nervous for a moment. “Make sure they don’t ask me about it…”

Roy nodded. He’d do his best to make them restrain themselves. He pecked Jason’s forehead again before pulling back a bit. “I’ll go get them. You okay here?”

“Yeah.” Jay nodded, moving so Roy could get up and got comfy as he waited. Roy turned back before he left, giving Jason a wink and making him snort a laugh again before he went off to find the others.

Turns out Tim and Dick hadn’t gone far, and were hovering awkwardly in a nearby room. “You can come back now, but you have to promise not to ask him about it. He’ll tell you if he wants to. Don’t force it.” He was looking at Dick especially.

“Is he okay?” Dick asked, concern all over his face.

“Yeah. Better. He’ll be fine. It’ll be easier if you just act like normal rather than keep reminding him. Distractions are good.”

“We could play a different game.” Time suggested and Roy smiled.

“Yeah. Come on. Where are the others?” Roy asked, very aware that Bruce and Damian weren’t around.

“They uh… Damian um…” Dick looked unsure.

“Damian needed some space too.” Tim added and Roy understood. From what Jason had told him about the youngest Wayne, he wouldn’t be surprised if Jason’s attack had set something off in him too. He hoped Bruce was looking after him. He could at the very least look after one of his sons properly. Roy tried to reign in his anger. Now wasn’t the time. Roy led the two back into the room, flopping down next to Jason again.

Bruce and Dick came back half an hour later, while Jason, Roy, Dick, and Tim were playing charades with topics they’d written down and put in a bowl. That way, only safe options would come out and there wouldn’t be any more nasty shocks. Also, some of them were ridiculous. Tim put in computer science terms just to watch everyone struggle to act them out while Jason and Roy were on a roll with all the fictional characters Jay had put in. Roy happily listened to Jason talk about books all the time so he could guess or act them out well enough to get them all right. As the game went on, Jason slowly settled again, getting comfortable with Roy and enjoying himself. He was still a little jittery as he went to bed that night but snuggling up to Roy under the covers, with the light on full, he managed to fall asleep, ready for whatever Wayne family chaos awaited him on Christmas morning.

**Author's Note:**

> This was written in a bit of a hurry so I'd really love to hear what you think.


End file.
